Yeah. The road has ended for me here. It is not fair to them and I just cannot go on like that any longer.
His Promise
In words, the world beyond
Of Gardens and T3
Home made brunch some weekend ago.
Sneak peek into my weekend and Monday at Gardens. It is amazing how cold the greenhouse is despite how warm it looked. I believe it will be a highly sought after event space once it opens in June. Pity it is so not accessible.
After work, met up with my aunt and mum. Decided that I didn’t want to spend my free afternoon snoozing; I rather spend it with my family whose company I missed. Accompanied the three ladies on a crazy T3 day trip and was their photographer for the day.
Changi was having their Millionaire theme, and the three of them totally soaked it in.
Apparently so did I. Haha, I was too intrigued by the steps NOT to try!
Had a lovely dinner with them and qi. Thank God for His grace, that I can spend this time with those I love!
Toby’s Estate and much due catch up
Amazing what good lighting can do for a photo.
The S&M life
In the morning, I smiled and listened to the hoteliers at Marriot. A lot of polite conversations and introductions. Corporate. Professional. And very tame.
In the afternoon, it was brainstorm sessions, drafting skeleton of presentations and creating an acquisition deck. Creative. Words. On the go.
In the evening, it was an exclusive Cut Loose with RWS sales team. Less of networking, more of relationship building. They dressed up, piled us with rounds after rounds of alcohol and smoked with people of status. Yes, let’s party even though we tear at each others’ throat after proposal stage.
Somehow, that business part of entertaining was over before I realise I am part of it. No worries, I didn’t get wasted despite their enthusiasm for ‘next round’. I was depositing my drinks at empty tables whenever I got the chance ><
The people who blew dark stormy clouds away
My crazy Running Man comm just made me smile with their spontaneous update. These are the moments, I feel like if its with them, I will be alright.
Xue Wei was asking if I am in church so we could do some much delayed catch up and bonding.
Huishan checking in and reminding me of our dinner date.
My naughtiest kid in Sunday School being concern about my absence last week. All those sweethearts who prayed for me.
Gwen telling me, she is really just as equally lost searching for a foothold in this very adult working battlefield.
The girls who try really hard to meet up with me despite my shitty work schedule.
It is God’s grace over and over. I am just so thankful that I have a fellowship to fall back on today. It matters. It matters to me, and I need them.
Work can brew a maelstrom and press both brows down. All those uncertainty and politics can make me lose sleep and weight. Dear Lord, I don’t want to be sucked into that black hole. Thank you for everyone you have placed in my life. Give me wisdom and strength so I can learn to protect all this that is so dear to me.
I have a lot to give thanks for eh 
who cares if its a depressing madhouse at work. Okay I do. BUT that’s not the point. I am so blessed to have people who pull me back and remind me of what really matters.
Her words
..puts things into perspective. Really, what was all that rush about when time spent with those you love is most important. Yet, how can I discount all that I put in. They always talk to about The Balance. Isn’t it just all talk? Can we really have it all?
Anyway, after 8th May. Its back to full blown S&M. Another couple more weeks after that would be two months into probation and hello to my first full work life anniversary with TEC. Yeah. Yeaah.
Tell me it is okay
Tell me its okay; that we start out like that. Tell me its normal, falling flat on my face even after all this time. I can take my time. It’s not the end of the world. Not everyone is born knowing what they can do, where to start and how. Surely, someone out there understands. There must be someone who stands in the same shoes.
This silence I cannot stand. It is full of nightmarish apprehension and loneliness.
That confidence. That hope.
They have crushed. Or maybe I have.
That will. That dream.
Wherefore art thou? Don’t burrow any deeper down, because I might not have strength to dig any further in this well dry.
Please open my eyes. Help me look at You and believe. This is not all it is and its not the end. There is fight left in me. There is a Lord whom I can trust in even if nothing is in the horizon.
Not like that
Yes. The golden years are really over. All that curls into the horizon is a never ending swirl pool. A graduate’s illusionary future has a long black ugly crack right down the middle. There I glimpse society stratum and that clear elongated gap between class.
I am tired. I really am. The next two weeks promises even more sleepless nights. I am not even sure if I want to pass my probation any more.
It is not suppose to be like that. It isn’t what I had in mind.
